I have to say, for being only 21 years old I have learned so much-and so very quickly. I am by no means a “know-it-all” but I am told often that I am quite mature for my age, probably due to already having been through so much. I can’t honestly say I’ve been through the worst things possible but I definitely have been through real struggle.
Now, instead of giving this long background story to myself, I’d much rather just jump right in. I decided to go on Pinterest to catch a few inspirational quotes-fortunately, I found many that I could relate to and speak to, thus inspiring this particular post.
1.)
Truly, things have not been easy since I have moved down to Arizona. Some days have really been better than others and I found that for a while I haven’t really caught a “break” ; I have struggled making friends, with church, with my jobs, my relationship, and simply being away from home. Things became even more difficult the past few months-one reason being that I, essentially, decided to “start over” and I have had to practice even more patience in my relationship. To be more clear: I was tired of suffering from feeling “lonley” or like I was always doing something wrong -or feeling like I no longer knew who I was. I would go more into the relationship part, but I don’t believe in giving out every single detail, but long story short: in order to better the relationship, we both have many things to work on, including loving ourselves fully. I can honestly say that through thick and thin, I love this man. Yes, there has been much struggle-but it has only made each other stronger. And, as far as any of my other struggles go, I am grateful that I went through them, for they have made me wiser.
2.)
There are not enough words to explain how much I adore this quote. I used to, and very briefly, attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka the Mormon Church). I do not, by any means, regret this decision. I did get many meaningful things out of it, such as family values, my Patriarchal Blessing, and I was baptized, therefore being drawn closer to Christ. What an amazing experience it was. However, my church experience was not amazing and went downhill rather quickly. I grew very tired of being surrounded by members who thought they were the most righteous beings on this planet. These people who thought so highly of themselves were the ones that I caught judging others: “oh, going to church only 3 Sundays a month is only going 75% of the time.” “Oh, isn’t that girl like 26? Why isn’t she married yet?” “Yeah that guy is 25 and single. Gotta wonder why he’s still single, there must be something weird about him.” “Hm, well she’s been missing a lot if church, and it’s completely unacceptable. ”
The list seriously could go on – and I am still to this day baffled by these remarks. Some of these remarks were even said to me and I was fed up! For a church that talks highly of family values, they sure did get all “concerned” if I missed church because I was spending time with family. Mom, you were right. Other friends from this church, read very carefully: I am not a Mormon. I believe that the Temple should be available for everyone, not just people who are “righteous” and “clean” enough to get in. Alcohol, coffee, tea are just fine IN MODERATION. I am not ashamed of my tattoo. If you are going to preach about living Christ like, please practice what you preach. You really cannot judge others for having sin differently than you. In conclusion, I have discovered a church that better fits my beliefs: Living Faith Anglican. I’ve never seen such a happy and HUMBLED group of people praising our Lord and Heavenly Father. I never feel like I’m not “good enough” to be there, and I’m certainly not being put on an “non-active” list if I have to miss a couple Sundays. People, read this carefully: in the end, it’s not going to be about what church you went to or how often you went. What’s going to matter is your relationship with Him, for He loves you no matter what.
3.)
Truly, I am made of many flaws, both in personality and appearance; I am nowhere near perfect. I’m typically running late, I think of the worst, I worry a smidge too much, and I definitely have an awkward personality. Sometimes when I’m upset or mad, I get awfully mean and condescending. It’s terrible! It doesn’t happen all the time, but it really shouldn’t happen at all. I could nitpick myself all day, but that really wouldn’t be a good thing to do. I know that it is never my intent to hurt others feelings; I just want to be heard and understood. I think of the worst and worry because I’m just always thinking about my future-I would love the best possible one. But, despite a few negatives, I found that there are way more positives, and I truly believe that applies for everyone. Mainly, I will always have the intent to uplift others and see their potential. I know that I can always be counted on, I’m loyal, and I will never beat around the bush with you (which makes me quite honest). Despite my flaws, I’m always trying to progress. Life is one big learning curve, no?
4.)
Sometimes it baffles my boyfriend as to why I am quieter on some days than others. I have to explain to him that there are times where I like to listen more than speak, which truly has done me a lot of good. It helps me get to know and understand others, it makes others feel comfortable knowing that I’d much rather listen to them rather than hear myself talk. On the subject of prayer, I can “hear” what my answer should be (for those who don’t understand that statement, I’m not saying that God is actually having a conversation with me or something -it’s more along the lines of “let your conscious be your guide,” if that makes sense). I’ve learned that the more humble and quieter I stay, the better grasp of reality I have and the better I can harmonize with the rest of the world.
5.)
This goes a bit hand -in- hand with #1 and #3, but it’s such a beautiful and real statement and better describes the past few months of my life. I feel as though for a while I was falling apart. I wasn’t acting like myself and I was crying almost every night, wanting to run away from everything that was hurting me. For a brief moment of time, I felt lonley…I felt scared, and I felt pain so bad that I could physically feel that pain right in my heart. I can’t really describe that pain in words – all I can tell you is it makes you wish you didn’t have one. Dramatic sounding, I know, but this is real, people.
I think what really saved me (from my broken-down self) was two things: a very simple, humble prayer, and the first day I attended the Living Faith Anglican church. My prayer was simple: I had asked for peace and clarity. I almost found it hard to pray, considering that it had been a while since I had done an out-spoken prayer. Slowly, but surely -or, rather at all the right times, I did receive my peace and clarity. From there, I could really think about what I want or even who I want to be. What I needed to do for me. I knew that all I wanted, as a whole, was to be happy. From there, my brighter journey started. I finally got to church, I started getting more courageous and passionate about life again; I started doing things that make me who I am. I’m awake, I’m alive, I am blessed with few but amazing people in my life, and I am grateful. I am now even called “a shining star” or “sunshine”- and I can’t help but to grin from ear-to-ear. I feel like the seed that has turned into something so much more, so much better, and I continue to transform.
6.)
This one is very simple: I trust Him; He never fails to make His intentions clear for me. Whether that be a “gut” feeling or any other kind of sign, I can honestly say it’s never unclear. If I’m ever worried, I pray; if it’s not His will, I feel peace and can actually get a good night’s sleep. I can focus on what’s more important; I can breathe.
7.)
My biggest desire is to love and be loved in return. I feel when you let go of all the negatives, love comes your way. As scary as love can be, I have found that it is the most powerful thing in the world and haven’t understood love until recent. Love is no longer just a feeling or word to me. It’s not just that pretty “Love is…” quote to me because I have learned it for myself. It does take much time and patience. It’s being understanding, or at least trying very hard to. It’s compromising, it’s letting go of small things. It’s letting go of anything or anyone that does not uplift you. Love is unfailing and forgiving. I’ve learned that it’s even, sometimes, not reciprocated back. And, sometimes, it’s not something people will really ever say, but it’s something they will show. Love is different for everyone, even with two people who love each other. Love is something you should certainly have for yourself -and, though easier said than done, it is so important to do so; you cannot love others if you do not love you. It creates so much for you -happiness, strength, kindness- and you never know who may need that from you, even if it’s something as simple as a smile or a “hello!”
So, again -here is to a life of AWESOME, no matter what!
(And I do hope that I wasn’t “all over the place” with this. ..)
♡♥♡♥ Bobbi
A Life of Adventure 